I don’t know whether to address this to my kids, my husband, both, or neither… Maybe this post is just for me. Maybe its time I devoted a journal to myself..
I’ve become hollow. I feel like a stray. My heart isn’t here. But when I say that, I’m not sure what I mean by it. Where is my heart? When I say it isn’t here, where exactly am I referring to? Hampton? Virginia? California? This country? This School? School in general? My spirit? I’m not quite sure. I just know I feel its absence.
Early registration starts next week. The future has been a big issue to think about these past few weeks. I’ve been looking into schools.. looking into taking the GRE… and to be honest, I’m starting to feel like I don’t even want to go. At least not now. Its feeling like I might take a break. I had been looking into studying abroad before, which I am still interested in, but I’m not sure I want to do that either.
I was looking up info on Teach for America the other day and a thought crossed my mind… Maybe I just want to leave, period. Not for my education, but for me. For my spirit.. my soul… Maybe I need to get away from my comforts..
So I am looking into places to go see.. away from everything I know. Italy, France, Haiti, Germany, maybe somewhere in Asia… Maybe I’ll go to Rio de Janeiro. I’ve always wanted to go there. Maybe education or some sort of organization for the world will take me there.
I’m not sure if that’s where my heart is but I’m taking a chance in looking into it. Maybe what I need isn’t so drastic but what’s the harm in seeing more of the world than where my nation’s grass ends? I finally resolved the last thing that had a chance of holding me back, so what now?
I don’t know but I’m done looking at my four walls.. I’m moving towards going beyond that now.